Okay, I didn’t really stop blogging, but I stopped blogging here! So maybe you’re asking, “where have you been?”
I guess the true questions is, “where am I going?” To be completely honest, I’m not sure, but what I do know is that The Pinky Project is back in business. Writing this blog is where my heart truly lies. I’ve missed sharing my parenting adventures with you and I’ve missed sharing nearly the first three years of my second child’s milestones as I did with Pinky. But that’s neither here nor there. I’d like to keep moving forward. However, I do feel like I should fill in some gaps before jumping back in. I hope you’ll join me again for another ride, this time for the long haul. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but it’s okay. Progress is better than perfection, right? Here goes..
Parenthood has a funny way of making our lives change courses, for the better of course. When I first started this blog, I didn’t share it with anyone for almost a year. Maybe it was fear, maybe I was embarrassed, maybe I didn’t think it was good enough. For whatever reason I kept this baby a secret. Once I showed the world what I had to offer doors opened for me left and right. I was presented with opportunities I only dreamed of. I always saw myself as an entrepreneur, after all I did own my own wedding and event planning business before Pinky was born and I missed it. But I also loved staying home with my baby. Writing was my only creative outlet at the time. Before I knew it I was a contributor for San Diego Bargain Mama, a part of the coolest Mom Bloggers Facebook Group, attending media events and making my debut on the local news station. It seemed like a dream come true. But I wanted more, in a good way.
I wanted to make a living on what I was doing. I even started another blog, which is currently down due to some technical issues, but it’s a blessing in disguise. Anyway, that started out well, but there was still something missing.
One of my favorite things to write about was our date nights. They were, and are still very important to me. These posts caught the attention of another blogger whose focus was on sharing date night ideas to busy parents. I always thank my friend Joann for connecting us via Twitter! Long story short, I met Sam. We clicked so well, she was inspiring, young, motivating – a true go getter with a lot of heart. Everything one could ask for in a business partner! And we became just that. Thus, in 2011 San Diego Mom’s Night Out was born! Through SD Mom’s Night Out we host events around San Diego to give moms the night out they deserve.
Another baby…and another!
Yes, SD Mom’s Night Out was another baby. It was a lot of work, but successful from the start. The first year was amazing with events happening every other month, growing our network, having fun! I was finally enjoying a night out and adult conversation. That was a huge plus for me. It was a hard time juggling being a new mom and running a blooming business. I still remember Pinky peering over the table waiting for me to get off my laptop so I can go play with her. My mom guilt still kicks in, but then I remember all the meetings and events she was able to tag along on, during those times I felt like the coolest mom and I was lucky to have her as my #1 fan. That first year was awesome, it ended with an anniversary party with over 200 moms at the Manchester Grand Hyatt, an interview with Anchor Mom, Kathleen Bade from Fox 5 and a lot of happy mamas. It was rewarding to see so many moms enjoying a night out, moms who needed a night out just like me. And that’s what it was all about.
They say the only constant in life is change. It’s true. At the end of 2012, Sam decided to accept an amazing opportunity to work with a growing company. One where she would grow herself and would take her to high places. We still do our best to keep in touch! Somewhere in between all the events, I started working as a marketing specialist at a boutique marketing agency. I was able to put my skills and education to good practice. I felt like I was on a good career path, all the while keeping SD Mom’s Night Out afloat. When the founder, Melonie asked if we could make my being on the team official I was so excited and also very pregnant!
Working from home
I was afraid of what would happen next, living life with two babies, but I kept going and I’m glad I did. Melonie quickly became another great friend and mentor. I admired her being a mom and successful business owner. Working with the team, I learned so much about the industry and myself. It was a perfect arrangement for me since I was able to work from home.
Now, just because I worked from home, doesn’t mean it was easy. It was challenging to say the least. I still needed Grandma to watch Pinky a few days a week so I could get work done for my day job and SD Mom’s Night Out. After dropping her off I’d work anywhere, in the car, Starbucks at the library, home. I was beginning to burn out. Work never seemed to be done. And since I was at home, it was hard for me to turn work off. It took me a while to adjust.
Finally, I was able to take a break when baby boy arrived. It was another one of my favorite moments in life. He brought so much joy to our family. I was excited to have one of each! I took a few months off to focus on the family and eventually mustered up the courage to go back to my part time gig with the agency. I was killing it the first few months. Then I started making mistakes, sleepless nights turned into sleepless days, I was crying to Daddy, “I can’t do this” on a daily basis. I did my best to juggle, for lack of a better term, family, work and entrepreneurship. Pinky started preschool so I thought it would be easier with one at home. I was wrong. The boy did not want to be put down. I struggled. I felt defeated. I felt I had to do it all, but I knew I couldn’t.
You see, I had this notion that I had to do it all! Until I couldn’t any longer. Although the things I had on my plate were killing me, it was so hard for me to let them go. A battle started inside of me, one I will not soon forget. I had failed, I thought. I went to all the way to graduate school for nothing! I can’t support my family if I don’t work. I can’t handle another failed business venture. If I let this all go, what will be left for me? So many negative thoughts clouded my judgement. I cried many tears. I made many mistakes. I prayed really hard. I weighed my options and what it came down to was – family first. I don’t know why it was so hard. Actually, I do now. I put so much pressure on myself. I’m sure I received it in other ways, from other people, but I take full responsibility for myself. Looking back now, the best decisions I’ve made were just letting go, and letting God. A part of me felt like I was being lazy or giving myself an excuse not to do anything but stay at home with the kids, but I know now I have a bigger purpose.
One by one, I let things go. My job, SD Mom’s Night Out went on the back burner, then back up again thanks to a few friends and SDMNO believers, you know who you are. I even stopped writing here. And other places. I started asking for help because, after having two kids I wasn’t afraid to ask anymore. I began to focus all my attention on my kids and on Daddy.
So where have I been?
Living and learning…I just didn’t make the time to write about it! In this gap, I’ve learned to break down my preconceived notion of what it means to be a woman, a “super mom” and forming my own definition. I was schooled on matters of the heart. It was emotional, it was a bumpy ride. It was scary. And though it doesn’t stop being bumpy or scary I’m confident that I am better equipped to make decisions and handle myself in certain situations. Thinking I had it all when I had a business and a job and a family made me fall a part. The only thing I needed and will forever need is my family. Whenever I question my purpose in life I look to Proverbs 31. I strive to be a virtuous woman. And if I’m half way in line with these characteristics then I’m doing okay. It’s not to say that I won’t go back to doing something for myself. It’s all a matter of timing for me.
So what’s new?
Where do I begin? Pinky has performed in three dance productions, she’s graduated from pre-school! She’s now our 6 year old pretty, pretty beautiful girl and in kindergarten. She loves art and dancing. I love seeing her light up when she learns something new. We have a little boy, now 2.5 who keeps us on our toes. He loves Hot Wheels and chi-chi aka the boob! He talks a ton and likes to build guns with Legos (don’t ask.) They both have asthma, and have been hospitalized for it one too many times. In February 2015 we spent the whole month at Rady Children’s Hospital. I am thankful they’re okay now. I’m glad they have each other. These two are the loves of my life. Next to Daddy of course, he’s been busy too finishing up his Masters degree in Cyber Security. And he did go on to become America’s Top Project Manager. Just kidding, but he is one of the best PM’s in my opinion. Oh yeah, he found a dog! Charlotte is her name, causing a ruckus is her game! She’s a pit bull, and I think she hates me. You’ll hear more about her soon enough.
As for me, I’m chugging along doing my best as a stay-at-home mom. I’m partially homeschooling Pinky which brings on new challenges every week. I’m brewing up some new ventures with Daddy and some family members. Helping my sister plan her wedding, planning dates with my kids, meals for the week and honestly just taking life one day at a time. And I can’t forget, Daddy and I started taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at The Stronghold San Diego. More on that later too.
If you made it to the end of this post, THANK YOU for reading. I share this not to brag or because I feel I need to explain myself or even because I want you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. The struggle is real. I wish someone would have told me I’d be fighting this battle with myself at one point in my life, but some things you just have to learn on your own. At least I’ll be able to share this with my kids. I hope you found some comfort in my story and can believe that everything will work itself out for good. Whatever you’re going through, it will pass.
Cheers to new beginnings and second chances too!