Tug of War | One Marriage, Two Beliefs

If you’ve picked up the latest issue of San Diego Family Magazine, there is an article titled, One Marriage…Two Beliefs written by Steven E. Meineke, MA, MDiv, MFT. It’s the very last article. I’m so glad they covered this topic, especially since religion nowadays seems to be forbidden to discuss anywhere in public. I really respect and appreciate this piece. Thank you San Diego Family Magazine editors and Mr. Meineke!

The article brought up some great points, but also some bad memories for me growing up as a child. My parents had very similar beliefs, however, they went to two completely different churches. They served the same God, but they served him in two different ways. My mom came from a strong Catholic family and my dad was a born again Christian. Please don’t judge my parents based on this article because they really are good people. They only wanted, and still want, the best for me and my siblings…they just didn’t do a good job of communicating it.

My Story: Growing up, I went to a Catholic church with my mom and abuelita.  Abuelita was a very devoted catholic, prayed every morning and would be nowhere else other than church on a Sunday morning. My dad wasn’t an avid church-goer until I was in my tweens. Anyway, I went through CCD class (not sure what that stands for) and had my holy communion. I was baptized when I was a baby in the Catholic church so naturally I thought I was a Catholic. As I grew older and realized I had other options, things slowly began to change, especially when my dad started attending church on a regular basis. For a while, I’d take turns going to church with each parent, no they are not divorced. I went to St. Mary Magdalen Sunday mornings and Glad Tidings Sunday nights.

To make a long story short, my parents soon began to argue about which church would be my permanent ‘home’ so to speak. They argued about when I would go to church, who I would go with. My dad hated that I was going to a Catholic church and my mom resented my dad for taking me to a Christian church even though both served the same God! I was so confused at only 11 or 12 years old. I hated being in the middle of their arguments, going to church with an angry parent feeling tugged and torn, wanting to make both of them happy. Really, I just wanted them to stop fighting. Eventually I had a talk with my mom and after going to both churches long enough, I myself decided to be a Christian. I know it hurt my mother, but it was ultimately my decision, and I was happy with it. Eventually she accepted it. I still went to church with her on occasion, but my home was at Glad Tidings.

I was diagnosed with an arachnoid cyst when I started going to church with my dad and I remember the pastor, Pastor Guevara came to my hospital bed, my parents both frightened. He prayed such a powerful prayer that the cyst would not be a problem in my life. That night I accepted the Lord into my heart. It was something I had never experienced going to the Catholic church with my mom. No one had every prayed for me the way Pastor Guevara had that night asking me to come to Jesus, repent of my sins and accept him into my life. I mean, maybe the Catholic church did this, but I just didn’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the Catholic church and I know my mom and abuelita prayed hard my me and my family, I just connected more personally with the Christian church and that is what I chose and what I still follow.

That day forward, I remember vowing that I would marry someone of the same faith as me. The man I married would have to be a Christian just like me. I did not want my children to go through the same struggles and heartache I went through. Even at a young age, I thought about my future Pinky. I didn’t want to put her through such an unnecessary predicament. I did not want my child to choose a parent over a belief. I wanted to raise my child in the ways of the Lord. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15). I will be extremely surprised and disappointed if she does not walk in the way of the Lord, but I know that together my husband and I will do all we can to keep this family together, loving and fearing our almighty Lord and Savior!

My Lesson: So parents, if you have both happen to have more than one belief, make it a point to teach your child about both. Come together and embrace your similarities and difference. Don’t argue about it, and don’t make you child feel like they have to choose one or the other. Let them experience both sides and eventually they will choose for themselves when they are ready. Until then, nurture them and love them. When they do decide, make sure that you support their decision and let them know that you will love them either way. God bless! I like what Meineke said as he closed, “There are no simple answers when it comes to living in a mixed-faith home. One thing I know for sure, however, is that the best decisions will always reflect an inclusive vision of love.”

You Story: Do you or someone you know have a similar story.  How did you choose? Or did you choose at all? We’d love to hear about it.