Every time I ask my mom what she wants for Mother’s Day, she says, “Nothing, just write me a letter.” Even though I have always enjoyed writing, I never really knew what to write in those letters, that is, until I became a mother myself. If anything is sure, the content of those letters has changed drastically. Now that I’m a mother, I realize how precious those letters can be, how powerful they can be. It’s one of the reasons I started writing letters to Pinky since she was a wee little fetus. I imagine her reading them long after I’m gone, and eventually writing letters to her own children.
My mom, she’s a simple woman. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She is emotional. She is thoughtful. She is a loving and kind person. She’ll do anything for her kids and grand kids. She often helps those in need even if it means putting her own needs aside. And I admit, sometimes it drives me insane; because all I want her to do is take care of her. But for the most part, I admire it, though I don’t always understand it.
The truth is, I believe my mom deserves the world. I would love to take her on a cruise or spoil her with a nice outfit, a massage, a fancy dinner, anything really. But she’s just not into that stuff. At the end of the day, she’s still going to ask for that letter. So here it is, Mommy. Yes, I still call my mom, Mommy.
Here are 4 things I want you to know this Mother’s Day and every day.
I’m Sorry. I feel like I’ve been apologizing for years, and I’ll probably continue to have to apologize for being a jerk of a daughter at times. I yell, I’m passionate about my opinions and I can get way out of hand – I know. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry for any anxiety I’ve caused. I’m sorry for leaving the kids with you longer than expected. I don’t want you to feel as though I’m taking advantage of you. I’m sorry for the times I rushed you in the past, for asking you why you were putting makeup on when we were just going to the store. I understand now that putting on a little blush made you feel alive and like yourself. I know because that’s what I do now. I’m sorry that we aren’t in a position to help fix Abuelita’s house. It’s my prayer that we will be able to restore the house we grew up in before your time here is done. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, and for not going to church with you as often as I you’d like. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel less about yourself, for being disrespectful to you especially in front of others, for not dancing with you at my wedding (it’s one of my biggest regrets that day) and for trying to push you to do things you don’t always want to do. I want to believe that the things I say and do are out of love, tough love because I want you to live a full life for you, not just for us.
Mommy, I am sorry. Even though I know you will tell me I don’t have to be.
I Love You. I love you, I love you. You are the best mom anyone could ask for. I might not say it much, or even hug you much, but it’s not because I don’t want to. It’s still a little awkward if I’m being honest. It’s not something we practiced a whole lot growing up. I promise to practice hugging more and speaking my love for you more often. I love you for being dedicated to God, for praying and still going to church on the Sunday’s you’re not working. I love you for being an example in that way. I love you for teaching us how to love our siblings, not matter what. I love you for remembering the little details about life, like what time we were born. I love your birthday cards, I kind of miss them. I don’t think I’ve gotten one in a while (hint, hint.) I love you for showing us that we must always remember those who have passed on by visiting their grave. I love you for being strong in so many ways. I love you for being all up in my business even though it drives me crazy. I know it’s just your way of showing you care and want to be a part of my life.
Mommy, I love you! Even though I know you will say you love me more!
Thank You. If I haven’t said it in a while, thank you. Thank you for everything you do – for helping us with the kids, for caring for them and teaching them Spanish. I love that they will be connected to their Spanish roots in that way. Thank you for believing in me even when you don’t always know what I’m doing. Thank you for always calling me or texting me from Sprouts to ask if I need anything or telling me the melons and cucumbers are on sale. Thank you for the times you pack us food. Thank you for loving and accepting my husband into our family with open arms, for checking on him, asking about him and for being a real mom to him. Thank you for always asking for my opinion, even though you don’t always like it. Thank you for showing us how to love animals and for teaching us through your actions how to care for others. Thank you for teaching me that it’s okay to take my time. Thank you for calling me every day to see how we’re doing. Thank you for asking me to write you letters.
Mommy, thank you for everything! Even though you will tell me I don’t have to say thank you.
Be Happy. Do something nice for yourself and don’t apologize for it. Live for the day. Forgive, please forgive so you can move forward and enjoy the years ahead. You deserve to be happy and to be in love. Write in a journal, do something you’ve always wanted to do. Go out and dance. I know how much you love it. I think that’s why Pinky and I love it too! Go one a date with Papi. Let go of your baggage, literally. I promise you’ll feel better. You’ll create more space for things you love like sewing, photos and dancing. I challenge you to take a class or buy yourself something “expensive.” Stop second guessing yourself. Put your foot down. Be bold. Stand up for yourself and please stop worrying about what other people might think. I think you’re amazing, and now I realize I should take my own advice. I know it seems as though you have everything, and don’t get me wrong, you do…. But there is more if you just go out and look for it. Just go!
Mommy, be happy. Even though I already know you will tell me that you are happy.
Happy Mother’s Day! I pray God will continue to bless you always, to keep you safe and to give us all more time with you. You truly are my #1 Mom Hero!
With love and sincerity,
Your Crazy Daughter #1